Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
