Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
