I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
