I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
