i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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