I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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