I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
