I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
its liver damage thursday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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