We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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