just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I CAN MOONWALK!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
