i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
