here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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