Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
