I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
