i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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