Don't make out with my wife yet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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