ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
