I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
