I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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