I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize