Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
