I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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