No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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