i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
