He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
4 words: hood of his car
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
