I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
