Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
