Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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