11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
