It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.