He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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