he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers