so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!