Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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