Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night