So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.