How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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