Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
