You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
