Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
