Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
