I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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