ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
