New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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