i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
