I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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