im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
