Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
