Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
