party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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