her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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