she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
