i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
