i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
