worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
