A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
