she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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