So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
