Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
