I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this hospital has no fireball
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
