I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think weed is turning my hair brown
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
