I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
