can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
