My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
