paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
