I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
