I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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