I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
